Breaking Free from the Grip of a Narcissist :How to Cut Emotional Ties with a Manipulative Person

Relationships with a narcissistic individual can become toxic and exhausting.

Manipulation, the constant need for control, and the other person’s self-centered

validation can create an environment where one feels diminished, lost, and

sometimes even incapable of recognizing their own power.

Cutting emotional ties with such a person is an act of courage and self-protection.

It is important to understand the significant differences between a manipulator, a

narcissist, and a narcissistic pervert. While these terms are often used

interchangeably, they describe distinct behaviors that may overlap but differ in their

origins and the intensity of their toxicity.

1. The Manipulator

A manipulator uses control tactics to get what they want from others. Manipulation

can be either conscious or unconscious and is not always malicious. A manipulator

might act with a specific goal in mind without necessarily seeking long-term emotional

dominance.

 Typical traits:

Uses lies, flattery, or guilt to influence others.

Seeks personal gains such as favors, time, or resources.

May act out of insecurity, a desire for control, or conflict avoidance.

Manipulation is not necessarily linked to a lack of empathy.

Example:

A manipulative colleague might exaggerate their needs to gain help without seeking

emotional or psychological dominance.

2. The Narcissist

A narcissist is someone with an inflated ego, high self-esteem, and a constant need

for recognition and admiration. Narcissism is a personality trait that can range from

moderate to severe, sometimes becoming a psychological disorder known as

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

 Typical traits:

Feels superior to others and demands admiration and attention.

Displays egocentrism and insensitivity to the needs and feelings of others.

Often charming and charismatic initially, but their true personality emerges in long-

term relationships.

Frequently associated with a lack of empathy and difficulty handling criticism.

Does not necessarily seek to destroy or control others.

Example:

A narcissistic person might monopolize a conversation by talking only about their

successes or belittle others to feel superior.

3. The Narcissistic Pervert

A narcissistic pervert is a specific type of narcissist, going beyond classic narcissism.

This term, though sometimes controversial, refers to a narcissist who employs

destructive manipulation tactics and emotional malice to devalue, control, and

dominate others.

 Typical traits:

Combines narcissistic traits (need for admiration, sense of superiority) with a

perverse dimension: deriving pleasure or benefit from causing suffering or

destabilizing others.

Employs intense emotional control by alternating between devaluation and flattery to

keep the person under control.

Often seeks to isolate their victim and uses techniques like gaslighting to make the

person doubt their own perception.

Lacks empathy and displays destructive behavior for the sole purpose of maintaining

power over others.

Example:

A narcissistic pervert might give compliments to build trust, then subtly criticize to

undermine the other’s self-esteem, alternating between these behaviors to maintain

complete mental and emotional control over the person.

Key Differences

 A manipulator uses control methods for personal benefit without necessarily

seeking to destroy.

 A narcissist seeks admiration and attention, focusing on themselves, often

hurting others through indifference but not with the intent to harm.

 A narcissistic pervert employs deeply destructive manipulation to dominate

and maintain constant psychological power, using techniques that cause

lasting emotional and psychological harm.

Recognizing the Signs and Seeking Help

If a relationship shows characteristics of narcissistic perversion, it is advised to seek

psychological support to rebuild self-esteem and protect oneself emotionally.

Understanding the signs is the first step to breaking free and reclaiming your

personal power.

The First Step to Breaking Free from a Manipulator’s Grip: Recognizing Destructive

Behaviors

Recognizing manipulation, especially in a toxic or controlling relationship, can be

challenging. Victims may feel isolated or unsure of what they are experiencing.

However, there are distinct signs that can help identify such dynamics.

Recognizing a Manipulator’s Grip

a) Diminished Self-Esteem

The person under control often feels belittled, unable to make independent decisions,

or assert themselves. They may constantly doubt themselves and their choices.

Example:

A narcissist frequently criticizes the person’s ideas, skills, or opinions, making them

increasingly dependent on their approval.

b) Emotional Manipulation

The grip often manifests through subtle but continuous emotional manipulation. The

controlling individual plays on the other person’s emotions to achieve their goals,

using blame, threats, guilt, or contradictory behaviors that create confusion.

Examples:

“If you really loved me, you’d do what I ask.”

“You can’t live without me, you know.”

1. Social Isolation

The person under control is often cut off from friends, family, or anyone who could help them gain perspective on the relationship. The manipulator seeks to limit external interactions to increase their control.

Example :

The manipulator convinces the victim that their friends or family are against them or that only they truly understand them.

1. Control and Monitoring

A manipulative or narcissistic person often seeks to control their victim’s actions, including where they go, who they speak with, and even what they do. This may involve constant demands for accountability.

Examples :

Checking messages on their phone.

Insisting on knowing their whereabouts at all times.

Criticizing activities the person does independently.

1. Behavioral Fluctuations

The manipulator’s behavior may swing between affection and hostility, leaving the victim disoriented and more vulnerable to control.

Recognizing these signs is a crucial step toward breaking free and regaining control over your life.

Manipulative individuals often alternate between affectionate and demeaning behaviors, which disorients the person under their control.

This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as the “honeymoon cycle,” followed by phases of verbal or emotional abuse.

Example:

After a period of warmth and attention, the manipulative person may become cold, distant, or even aggressive, leaving the victim uncertain of their feelings.

1. Constant Blame

In a controlling relationship, the victim often feels guilty, as though they are responsible for the issues in the relationship. The manipulator shifts the blame onto the other person.

Example:

“It’s your fault I feel this way; you pushed me to act this way.” Or “You’re never there when I need you; you don’t take care of me.”

1. Loss of Freedom of Choice

A person under control increasingly struggles to make decisions without the approval or intervention of the manipulative person. Their choices, even personal ones, are influenced by the manipulator.

Example:

The victim makes decisions mainly based on what the other person wants rather than what they truly desire.

2. Responsibility for the Other’s Well-Being

The person under control feels responsible for the other’s emotional well-being, even if it means neglecting their own needs. This sense of duty to “satisfy” the other can lead to emotional exhaustion.

Example:

“If you really loved me, you’d do everything to make me happy.” This can create a constant feeling of needing to “fix” the other person or sacrifice oneself.

3. Feeling of Confusion and Loss of Bearings

Constant emotional manipulation can lead to a state of confusion where the person under control doubts their perception of reality. They may start to wonder if they’re being paranoid or overly sensitive.

Example:

A person may find themselves questioning their feelings after every interaction, wondering if their emotions are "realistic" or if they’re "being too dramatic."

 Recognizing these signs is essential, as it helps them avoid justifying or excusing these behaviors and understand that this dynamic is toxic and unhealthy.

2. Setting Clear Boundaries

One of the most effective techniques is to set clear and firm boundaries. A manipulator will often try to intrude on the other’s life, testing personal boundaries to strengthen their control. By establishing boundaries, one reduces the opportunities for manipulation.

• Examples of Boundaries :

Not responding immediately to messages, refusing certain requests, and limiting interactions to only what’s necessary, if unavoidable (e.g., in family relationships).

• Asserting Decisions :

Keeping communication simple and factual, without justifying oneself, is also a way to demonstrate taking control of one’s life.

3. Practicing Emotional Detachment

Emotional detachment is an essential step in breaking emotional ties. This means no longer investing emotionally in that person and observing the relationship from a certain distance.

• Breathing and Relaxation

Deep breathing exercises can help recentralize, calm the mind, and gain clarity.

• Not Reacting :

Narcissists often seek to provoke emotional reactions. By maintaining control over your emotions and limiting your responses, you reduce their influence.

4. Supporting Yourself with Well-Being Practices

To free yourself from a toxic relationship, it’s essential to focus on yourself and regain emotional balance. Practices such as meditation, positive visualization, or gratitude can foster positive emotions, detach from negative thoughts, and regain control over your feelings.

• Cutting the Cord Through Visualization

Visualization is a meditative practice that uses the power of imagination to transform perceptions and emotions. In the context of a toxic relationship, this technique can be used to symbolically free yourself from the emotional bond tying you to the manipulative person. This process aids mental and energetic detachment, facilitating true inner liberation.

Steps to Break the Energetic Tie Through Visualization

1. Prepare the Environment:

Choose a quiet place where you feel safe and will not be disturbed. Get comfortable, either sitting or lying down, and take a few deep breaths to relax.

2. Grounding and Connecting to Yourself:

Close your eyes and visualize a pure, soothing white light descending from the top of your head and flowing through your body down to the soles of your feet. Feel this light grounding, centering, and protecting you.

3. Visualize the Cord:

Imagine a cord or thread of light connecting you to the person in question.

This cord may be attached to your heart, solar plexus, or mind—wherever feels most representative to you. Observe the color and thickness of this cord; it symbolizes the attachment and control this person has over you.

4. Decide to Cut the Cord:

Picture yourself holding a pair of scissors or another cutting tool (like a sword of light). Focus on your intention of liberation and self-protection. Feel the desire to break this bond to reclaim your own energy, free from toxic influence.

5. Cut the Cord:

With a determined motion, visualize cutting this cord that connects you to the person. Imagine it dissolving, moving away from your body, and disappearing, taking with it all negative emotional charges and attachments.

As you do this, feel a sense of relief, as if you’re shedding a heavy weight.

6. Send Love and Protect Yourself:

After cutting the cord, send love and compassion toward the person but without allowing them back into your energetic field. Then visualize a protective light surrounding your body—a golden or white bubble that shields you from external influences.

7. Finalize and Anchor the Detachment:

Take a few deep breaths to center yourself. Gradually return to the present moment, aware that the cord has been severed. Feel in control of your energy and your life, ready to move forward in peace and freedom.

This visualization is a powerful act of personal and spiritual liberation. It allows for emotional and energetic detachment from the manipulative person, symbolizing a commitment to no longer being influenced or held back by them. To strengthen this exercise, you can repeat it as needed, especially during moments when the need for emotional freedom feels strongest.

This technique can be part of a broader healing and personal growth process, helping you feel more grounded, protected, and at peace with yourself.

5. Surround Yourself with Healthy and Supportive Connections

Manipulation often isolates the victim from their support network. Breaking away from a narcissist may feel difficult, but turning to friends, family, or even support groups who understand your situation can provide comfort without judgment.

• Talking to Trusted People:

Sharing your feelings and receiving emotional support can help solidify your decision and strengthen your resolve.

• Therapy and Guidance:

A therapist can provide invaluable support during the healing process, helping you understand how patterns of dependence or submission have formed.

6. End Contact: The “No-Contact” Method

Whenever possible, cutting off contact with the manipulative person is an effective strategy to regain control of your life. The “no-contact” approach involves stopping all interaction and focusing on yourself. This prevents the manipulator from re-entering your life and provides the space needed for healing.

7. Forgive to Free Yourself, Without Forgetting

Forgiveness is not an act of weakness but a choice to no longer be imprisoned by resentment and pain. You can forgive without forgetting, as forgiveness is primarily an act of inner liberation. It allows you to let go of the anger and sadness accumulated, paving the way for a more peaceful future.

8. Reclaim Your Life and Rediscover Yourself

The final step is to reclaim your life, rediscover your passions and values, and rebuild your self-esteem. A toxic relationship can erode confidence, so it’s essential to remember your strengths and take time to nurture your own needs.

• Gratitude Exercises:

Focus on what you have, who you are, and what you aspire to achieve.

• Personal Empowerment:

Spend time on activities that bring you joy and meaning, reconnect with your passions, and invest in yourself.

9. Performing an Emotional Liberation Ritual

An emotional liberation ritual can seal the intention to sever ties with a manipulative person, transforming resentment into peace and freedom. This symbolic process helps release negative emotions and sends a request to the universe to prevent any feelings (positive or negative) from returning to disturb the one seeking liberation from the relationship.

• Steps for an Emotional Liberation Ritual

• Prepare a Sacred Space:

Choose a quiet place where you can be alone and focused.

Turn off the lights, light a candle, and, if desired, add incense or essential oils to create an atmosphere conducive to release.

2. Write a List of Resentments:

On a piece of paper, write down all the resentments, pains, anger, or disappointments related to the person you want to break free from.

Don’t hold back—this step is a moment to express everything you’ve bottled up and accumulated.

3. Express Your Intention to Detach:

After writing, hold the paper in your hands and say out loud:

“I release myself from this emotional hold and choose inner peace. I decide to turn the page and move forward freely.”

4. Burn the List:

Once your intention is expressed, light the paper using the candle’s flame and let it burn completely in a fireproof bowl.

As the paper burns, visualize all the negative emotions and resentments dissolving and evaporating, taking with them every toxic attachment.

5. Send a Request to the Universe:

Once the ashes have cooled, take a few moments to close your eyes and visualize sending a message to the universe.

Formulate a clear and positive request, such as:

“Universe, help me protect my heart and mind from any influence of this relationship. Let only love and peace fill me from now on.”

6. Bury or Scatter the Ashes:

To conclude, bury the ashes or scatter them in a stream or in nature.

This symbolizes transformation and the return of energy to the universe, purified of all emotional weight.

This liberation ritual serves as a final act of breaking free, grounded in powerful symbolism that helps release your heart and mind from emotional chains. It marks the beginning of a new chapter, where you can move forward with serenity, detachment, and openness to welcoming positive and nurturing energy.

Matchstick Figure Ritual : Breaking Emotional Ties

The matchstick figure ritual is a powerful way to free oneself from the emotional hold of a toxic, manipulative, or narcissistic relationship.

By visualizing and materializing the attachment in the form of a matchstick figure, this ritual allows for the symbolic severance of emotional ties, empowering the individual to reclaim their energy.

Steps for the Matchstick Figure Ritual :

• Prepare the Space and Tools :

Find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. Gather a piece of paper, a pen, and two matches. You may also light a candle to symbolize the transformation of energy.

• Draw the Figures:

On the paper, draw two matchstick figures with the pen.

One figure represents you, give it a big smile and write your name underneath it. 

Draw a circle with rays of light around it to symbolize wishing the best for yourself.

The other figure represents the manipulative or narcissistic person from whom you wish to break ties. Write their name underneath it and give them a smile as well. Draw a circle of light around them to symbolize wishing the best and fairest outcome for both parties.

Draw a shared circle of light around both figures, adding small rays of light to signify goodwill for both individuals.

Starting from the bottom, draw seven attachment lines (representing conscious or unconscious ties) connecting the two figures at the different energy centers (chakras).

You can use chakra colors if desired, but this isn’t essential:

Red for the Root Chakra (sacrum),

Orange for the Sacral Chakra (navel),

Yellow for the Solar Plexus Chakra,

Green for the Heart Chakra,

Light Blue for the Throat Chakra,

Indigo for the Third Eye Chakra (between the eyes),

Violet for the Crown Chakra (top of the head).

• Name and Identify the Ties:

Look at the drawings and take a moment to connect with each "figure."

• Cut the Emotional Ties:

Using scissors, cut the paper in half, severing the toxic conscious and unconscious ties between you and the other person.

Repeat aloud an affirmation of liberation:

"I cut the ties between myself and this person. I release my energy and choose to live in peace, free from any toxic influence."

The goal is to feel the symbolic severance and visualize yourself in a state of freedom.

• Burn or Destroy the Figures:

Once the tie is cut, burn the figures (or destroy them by tearing or throwing them into water). This symbolizes the end of the hold and the release of all influence. If ashes remain, you can bury them in the ground or scatter them in nature.

• Conclude the Ritual:

To finish, take a few moments to breathe deeply and center yourself.

Thank yourself for your commitment to self-care, and remind yourself that you are free and ready to move forward on your own path.

This matchstick figure ritual is a highly visual and symbolic act that enables detachment from toxic relationships in a liberating and therapeutic way. It can be especially helpful when one feels "trapped" in a relationship and wishes to establish a clear boundary between oneself and the other person. Performing the matchstick figure exercise helps sever the attachment and the "toxic" bond.

In conclusion, it is essential to remember that there is always a way to break free from control, even the deepest kind, and to regain emotional and psychological autonomy. When facing a manipulator, a narcissist, or a narcissistic abuser, it may seem difficult to break the chains of a toxic relationship. However, with the right techniques, awareness, and, if necessary, psychological support, anyone can rebuild and find peace again.

While statistics show that women are often more affected, it is important to recognize that people of all genders can fall victim to these forms of control. The toxicity of a relationship is not limited to a specific gender or a particular type of emotional bond.

The key is to keep hope alive and remember that with support and tools, liberation is possible.

By taking one step at a time and working toward emotional independence, victims of such control can gradually rebuild themselves, regain their confidence, and turn the page to a new chapter, free from any negative influence.